Theses few weeks of school has been so hectic I felt as though I have not been living but just going through the motion of passing the days as it comes and when its over, I’ll just go to sleep. Yet, I wake up the next day feeling still deprived of rest. It’s 12 days to my first ever 21.1km marathon on 2nd April which is a day after Series 1, which will be my first ever Beach Volleyball Competition. Meanwhile, I have a report and presentation to complete this week, a submission next week, another term paper coming up and I should be starting on my revision BUT I still am lagging on my readings. On top of that all, life does not stop or slow down. Trainings still go on, work shifts, school..
I feel as though I am spreading myself so thin that I am no longer 100% in whatever I am doing. Everything is pretty much half-hearted just because I feel so drained by the overwhelming commitments. I know of people who can easily handle so much more at a go, but I guess I am not the lucky few. That being said, I thoroughly enjoy and would hate to give up any of my commitments at the moment. I am even intending on taking up a volunteer job at Food From The Heart where volunteers help to repack food for those in need of them. But I am holding myself back because I don’t want to commit to something that I know for sure I cannot give my all and might pull out of it eventually. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to do it during the 3 months break!
All these have not just been physically draining but mentally as well. Have you ever been in a situation where you loved what you are doing, but is not good enough/good at it? It sounds so contradictory but yet so very true in my life. Even though the marathon is supposed to be a chill run (for the super pretty rose gold limited edition Finisher shirt that I paid $$ for), I am still stressing over it because I’m worried that my body would not be able to handle the distance or that I’d be a burden… HAHA WHICH stresses me out mentally because I feel like I have to train for it (which brings me to the point of social/peer pressure where people tell me that I AM NOT GOING TO MAKE IT) *inserts eye roll* I was pretty confident that I could at least complete the race, even if it took some walking but maaaaan, people are sure fast to put me down and now I’m apprehensive.. I’ll let you know if I survive it (I better, I really want the shirt). I feel like because training for it has became a “MUST DO” instead of me wanting to do it, I DREAD running now.. I do enjoy running leisurely, but marathons.. I honestly am going to give it a second thought before I sign up for another.
I feel that through these period of time as I struggle in my own bubble with the endless bombardment of commitments and stress that I put unto myself.. I neglect those who mean the most to me. Because I spread myself so thin, I have lost the patience with those whom I love. I barked at them (yes, like a dog that fiercely protects one’s time because it is SO LIMITED) BUT, forgetting the love that a dog has for its masters. (why does my analogy has to be about a dog) I have forgotten how to love, how to speak of love and how to show others how much they really mean to me. 😦 sigh pie
BUT, today’s devotion HAS reminded me that GOD IS REAL & that HE IS STILL IN MY LIFE even though time and time again I push Him aside to make way for things that are my “priorities”.
Background story: I was supposed to run today (yes, to train for the marathon) but I did not feel like it even after resting/procrastinating for an hour. So I told myself, 50 minutes on the elliptical machine would suffice. After, 6 minutes on that, I felt MEH. So I tried the stationary bike.. I lasted for 10 minutes. I ditched it and came back to my room feeling like a failure.. and (not to mention fat, I really dislike how society constantly reminds you of this. I’m still working on it!!!!!)
Well, the title of my devotion reads: RUNNING & REST. BAM!?!! God is obviously reading my mind, I’m like “oh gosh.. how did You know?!??” but then again, He’s God right??? Reading on..
[Jesus] said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” Mark 6:31
and I’m like “GOD Y U DO DIS T_T” It’s as though God has specifically written this devotion and had me read it today. Even if you do not believe, I just want to tell you (and if you even read all the way here) that IT’S OKAY TO REST. In 2017, in Singapore, our fast-paced society (that moves at the speed of light), we are constantly chasing datelines, faced with commitments, pressure from friends, family, society, feeling so overwhelmed by everything. BUT, it’s okay to rest.. Expectations are put on to us but social standards but it only enters our reality when we acknowledge it. Work with your own set of goals, and self-expectations. I will be reminded that I work for a different goal and purpose on Earth. I work to please and glorify God. Even in the sport that I do, I exercise and compete to glorify God. I put in my best effort, to please Someone who is greater than the expectations on Earth. I am enough. You are enough.
GO LISTEN TO THIS SONG = it’s in Mandarin BUT :’) SPEAKS 2 MI NAOZ
Ciao! Time to get some work done after a much needed rest in the Lord.